I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
