Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
