I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
