everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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