so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
