I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
