Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
