Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
