what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
