She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
