It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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