Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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