And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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