I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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