Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
