You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
