Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
