when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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