So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
