YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
