why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Your dad touched me again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
