You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
