this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
