He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
