There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
