And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
