just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
