U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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