I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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