I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
