can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
