I'm gonna have a badass scar
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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