they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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