he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
