I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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