While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
