you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
