i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
