Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
