in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
