didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
