Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
