that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
