I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
