so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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