Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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