The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
