Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
