ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Panties = found
Randomize
