Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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