He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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