sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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