I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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