I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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