Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
