Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
