I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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